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01 September 2016 @ 11:57 pm
What the hell  
Monday was my first day of class. A guy sits next to me, very nice, we start chatting a bit. He asks to be facebook friends - I never get on facebook, but I figure this is a good way to exchange notes or something if one of us misses class. Wednesday, he sits next to me again. We talk a bit more, he’s nice, and he starts talking about hanging out when we’re not in class. I don’t have a lot of free time, but I hesitantly agree. We exchange skype names.

Suddenly he’s talking about going out? On dates. Like, what is my favorite thing to do on a date, am I really cuddly, what kind of things should we do on a date. And I’m just like ????? When did dating come into this??? I’ve seen you in person twice, for 2 hours each (4 hours total). How…when did I give you any sign that I am romantically interested? So I told him that I’d rather we get to know each other first before we do any dating.

He texted me today at work, but I was too busy to respond. I get on skype tonight and he’s all, “I don’t think a relationship can work out between us and I only see us as friends getting to know each other. I kept thinking all day about this. I need to be touched, talked to everyday, kissed, cuddled, etc. I’m very touchy feely, sorta sexual. And you not being a affectionate or touchy person just made me think. :(”

I mean, on the one hand I’m relieved. Thank god I got out of that pretty quick. On the other hand, who the fuck are you to tell me I’m not affectionate? I’ll concede I’m not a touchy person - I’m too self-conscious and shy to feel comfortable hugging people, because all I worry about is if I smell bad, how long should the hug last for, how tight do I squeeze - at least until I get to know them. But I barely know you, and you think you can judge how affectionate I am? Fuck you, I am super affectionate. I love my friends. Granted, most aren't physically present, but I'll write them fic or make gifs or send them links to things I think they'll enjoy, and I do all of it because I want to make them smile or laugh, or somehow brighten their day.
Elayna: blech by Vanelayna88 on September 2nd, 2016 04:18 am (UTC)
He sounds judgmental, needy, and an idiot. You're definitely better not dealing with him.
popkin16: ☂ by your side i'll make itpopkin16 on September 2nd, 2016 04:31 am (UTC)
Thank you ♥ I couldn't believe it when he said that. I'm so relieved he isn't interested in me~
aka_niffer on September 2nd, 2016 05:50 am (UTC)
He may just be young and trying to figure things out. Not quite sure how to act, but you don't need that. Especially if he's being clingy or judgmental. Good grief, just what you don't need, eh? I will say that as shy and difficult as it has been for me to make friends, the friends I have made, it flowed easily and naturally from the beginning.
popkin16: → trace you with my fingertipspopkin16 on September 2nd, 2016 07:50 am (UTC)
He's two years younger than I am, according to him. They do say that men mature slower...regardless, I'm just glad that he came to the conclusion we wouldn't work out XD

*nod* I'm very shy, especially IRL, so getting comfortable with people takes time, for me.
yellowhorde: Margoyellowhorde on September 2nd, 2016 06:19 am (UTC)
He hasn't known you long enough to know whether you are affectionate or not. What a jerk. Not everyone is touchy-feely. I'm not even extremely physically affectionate with my immediate family, not even with my twin. But I was with my husband. It was a bit of a surprise considering I don't really like being touched by people. But he was different.
For some of us it takes time to get to know people, to trust them. Time to open up to them and even more time to be comfortable (if ever) with physical displays of affection. If he can't see that, it's his problem. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

popkin16: ☂ a love like thatpopkin16 on September 2nd, 2016 07:52 am (UTC)
I'm glad you agree that we haven't known each other long enough!

I've always worried that my disinterest in being touched might make finding a significant other difficult, so it's relieving to me that you feel comfortable being touchy with your husband.

I don't think asking to be friends first and getting to know each other is asking too much. You're right: good riddance to bad rubbish!
brumeierbrumeier on September 2nd, 2016 02:03 pm (UTC)
OMGosh, that whole situation would have made me so uncomfortable and nervous. Stalker much? I'm glad he resolved things on his own without taking it any further.

"I know we've only just met, but I need all your affection."

Yeah. No.

I'm super shy IRL too. I had a guy flirt with me at my other job and I was like a deer in headlights. Flirting? What? Why?
popkin16: ☂ all the fun things go by that namepopkin16 on September 6th, 2016 09:06 am (UTC)
It would have been really hard for me to open my mouth and let him know that I'm not interested like that. So I'm super relived he came to this conclusion and will leave me alone!

I'm super shy IRL too. I had a guy flirt with me at my other job and I was like a deer in headlights. Flirting? What? Why?
Yeah, exactly this! I always just assume they're being friendly, lol. So when they do make a move, I'm completely blindsided and have no way of giving a firm "no". (In order to sound confident I Have to pre-plan what I'm going to say)
blue bird sitting on my windowsill: random: asshatkashmir1 on September 2nd, 2016 02:42 pm (UTC)
Men are entitled, judgmental shitbags. Don't worry about him, bb. He's not worth your time or effort. ♥
popkin16: ☂ a love like thatpopkin16 on September 6th, 2016 09:04 am (UTC)
Thank you, bb ♥ I'm so relieved things were resolved so quickly.
sgamadisonsgamadison on September 2nd, 2016 07:11 pm (UTC)
Major red flags here. I'd unfollow him on FB (so he can't tell you've unfriended him).

I knew a guy like this once. I went out on two dates with him before I found out he'd broken into my car to see what my class schedule was. LSS: he became a stalker. Took me a long time to get my life back again. :-(
popkin16: ☂ all the fun things go by that namepopkin16 on September 6th, 2016 09:02 am (UTC)
Ooo, it's an excellent idea to unfollow him on facebook, too. I've blocked him on skype for now, but I'd definitely like to limit our contact.

God, bb. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, and I'm so glad things worked out okay for you.
all right, so you're nonchalant: punk rock girlrunpunkrun on September 3rd, 2016 07:22 pm (UTC)
YIKES. Good thing he decided it would never work out between you; he sounds super clingy, and like he wouldn't take no for an answer. And it goes without saying that he was wrong about you. Weird dudes who sit next to you for four hours don't get to decide what kind of person you are. <3
popkin16: ★ when is a door not a doorpopkin16 on September 6th, 2016 09:01 am (UTC)
I definitely wouldn't have enjoyed spending time with him. And I'm super awkward and shy in real life, so I would have had a really hard time dealing with turning him down.

Thank you, bb ♥
hiswasburgundyhiswasburgundy on September 6th, 2016 08:55 am (UTC)
popkin16: ★ your mouth is like a grenadepopkin16 on September 6th, 2016 09:00 am (UTC)
Right? I've blocked him on skype. I'll have to figure out something to say on Wednesday when I see him in person, but I'm so glad it worked out the way it did.
hiswasburgundy: D'Annahiswasburgundy on September 6th, 2016 09:08 am (UTC)
godd yeah, at least he's not still on about his bullshit. Fucking dudes, idk