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Now that I have a day off with nothing planned, I can finally post.

Merry (belated) Christmas to everyone! Thank you for the holiday cards, I really appreciate them. They lifted my spirits after dragging myself home from work every day. I have them up on my bookshelf, and no I will not be taking them down any time soon.

The SGA Secret Santa 2020 is complete! Check out the fics here :) I want to thank everyone who participated, offered help, or listened to me when I talked about it lol. This crappy year has really encouraged me to reflect on what brings me joy and peace of mind, and it is in big part the McShep fandom. I've mostly been lurking this year, and I apologize for that, but know that I'm here and I love you all.

I've also been dealing with my BFU hyperfixation. I've been watching the videos in the Shyan Moments playlist and hanging out in the shipping server. It's fun and pressure free. Everyone's enthusiastic and encouraging and super friendly <3

I had a good Christmas. I received only gift cards but that's what I wanted, because when I try to explain what I want I mostly get confused looks. It's easier to just buy for myself lol. Also then nobody will judge me for my book purchases s;jfa;

I've been taking the Ashwagandha supplements based on my co-workers recommendation, and they've been working for me. I haven't had a really bad mental health day since I started taking them. I admit I was getting worried about myself - not because of self-harm thoughts or anything, but because I've never had days like that, where my head felt stuffed full of cotton and my body felt heavy. My brain is still not great, but at least I haven't had a day like that.

I'm really hoping 2021 turns out better. My New Year's resolution is going to be the same as it was the past year: to be kinder to myself. That can mean many things; not to beat myself up over stupid things, or pressure myself. To find joy where I can. I'm working on the negative self-talk too. We'll see how it goes~
This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/255373.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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(no subject)

Work continues to be fucking awful. It actually picked up for a little bit there in terms of pleasantness, but now we're doing this "online only" Black Friday event thing every Saturday through Tuesday. They took half my team (all the guys, basically) and stuck me with mostly new people. The newbies are working their butts off and I appreciate them, but it's not the same as having experienced people. So while they're out chilling in lawn and garden, we're overwhelmed and incredibly stressed. AND we're forced to field all the calls about the event. It's been a very, very bad week.

This isn't helped by my ongoing mental health issues. I've never struggled like this before, and I'm having more and more "bad" days where I'm keeping myself from screaming by the skin of my teeth. I haven't been doing much - I mostly just screw around online until it's time for bed. I hang out on a shipping server for BFU and it's bringing me so much joy right now, but some days even that feels like Too Much. My coworker said she takes ashwagandha supplements for anxiety and stress, and it helps. I'm thinking of trying it, but gotta do research first.

In better news, I have a set schedule! I have every Monday and Thursday off, and I LOVE IT. It means I never have to work more than 3 days in a row, which is a blessing given the stress of life.

I've been playing Phasmophobia with a co-worker. You play as ghost hunters, going into haunted locations and trying to gather evidence to figure out what kind of spirit you're dealing with. I don't find it particularly scary, but my co-worker does, so it's fun to laugh at her when she gets scared. I feel like it'd be the PERFECT game for Shane & Ryan from BFU to play, but I don't know much about copyright laws and stuff that might prevent them. How do gamers get away with playing games, actually? Since they do make money off it via ads and such.

I wrote a 36k fic for BFU, which I'm both proud of and hate intensely. I wasn't going to share it - it was supposed to be for just me, to ease me back into writing - but the shipping server was like DO IT. SHARE IT. And I am weak for validation. I've been thinking about John & Rodney a lot, and how much I love them. Since I've been so low energy lately, I've thought about rewatching some eps.

Would it be wrong of me to take a COVID leave from work just so I could try to get some fic reading done? js;kfaj; Don't answer that.

This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/254865.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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(no subject)

Work has become unbearable.

We're busier than ever. My manager has started micromanage us and it's fucking everything up. We had a rhythm going. We were the best in our market and were even winning market-wide challenges without even trying. But now everyone is stressed and morale is so fucking low. My vacation is coming up, but not fast enough. I'm dreading going into work every day and it never used to be like this. I'm more exhausted and emotionally wiped out than I have been during this entire pandemic. Hello, anxiety~

The only potentially good thing that's happened lately is they've announced they're restructuring management which means the assistant manager who's doing this might be shuffled to a different department/store. But it also means we might lose our department managers, who are honestly the only saving grace (management-wise) of the department lol. Of course, there are worse assistant managers than our current one, so even her leaving might lead to worse things.

I don't really anticipate the sweeping changes everyone is talking about. I honestly think most people are going to stay where they are. I can't decide if I'm pleased or not about that. This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/254490.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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June Something - Day 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Most of these answers will be too short to make a whole post for, so I'm combining. Plus, I keep slacking on this and I do love June Something, so.
What is your favorite celebrity interaction from any fandom you've had?
I haven't met that many actors and tbh I usually like to go unnoticed. But my favorite celebrity interaction is probably when I met Joe. I got his autograph and we chatted for just a couple minutes about how I was left handed. I also had a photo op with him which was awesome - he's very thin, in real life. And it was a hot day so his body was really warm too lolll. But mostly I'm just like, "Boy am I glad I'm just one in a thousand faceless people to him."
What is a kink that fandom introduced you to, and you said, "Yes, Please!"
Every kink. I legit didn't read kink fic until Stargate Atlantis loll. I started with xanthe and blueraccoon and here I am. I love sub!Rodney and dirty talk. Ooo and docking thanks to @melagan.
Is there any fandom that you regret getting into?
The MCU. I am a Tony stan first and foremost, so it was AWFUL reading all the anti-Tony posts on tumblr as people turned against him. Fuck that fandom.
Besides deathfic, rape/non-con, what is something that, no matter the pairing, you nope out of when it comes to reading?
INCEST. I can't read it. John and Rodney in speranza's capable hands couldn't do it. If that combo can't, nothing can. The closest I can come is step-siblings fic (of which there is barely any), and only fic they meet when they're teens. If they grew up together as siblings, then it's icky to me.
How open are you about being in fandom to your non-fandom friends/family?
My family knows NOTHING about slash and what I read online. They know I'm a big fan of Stargate and collection Stargate-related memorabilia, but that's about it.

My co-worker became my best friend after we bonded about Stiles/Derek. I don't think she reads that much fic anymore, but she knows I'm still into it. Other than that, the only RL friends that know about me are my Squee family. This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/253427.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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June Something - Day 3

Who is the first character that you fell in love with?
Hmmm. I'm afraid I don't have much of an interesting answer for this question. I honestly don't remember. Harry Potter was probably my first obsession - it was certainly my first fandom. I reread all of the books multiple times and I can't even tell you how much fanfiction I read - and I wasn't picky about ships. I remember keeping a little notebook where I'd painstakingly write out the URL to fics I liked. But would I say that it was the first character I fell in love with? I feel like there should have been one before that, but maybe not?

I'm going to go with Harry Potter, because I can't think of anything else lol. This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/251953.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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June Something - Day 2

You're stuck in quarantine with two people from different fandoms. Who are they, and who "breaks" first?

Hmm. Honestly, quarantine sounds like a dream to me, introvert that I am. (Though I know I'd probably be so bored a week in). I'd want calm characters who are capable of being quiet and/or keeping to themselves, with the occasional social interaction. Or warm, sweet characters who are easy to be around.

I'm going to say Foggy Nelson, because he's sweet and kind. He'd be good company when I wanted it, and I feel like he'd totally understand that sometimes I need time alone to recharge. We'd watch movies together and he'd crack jokes - it'd just be fun. Plus he looks like he gives good hugs <3

I'm less sure about my second answer. When I first read this question, my brain went Teyla Emmagen because she's very calming and she gets people. She'd keep herself occupied with working out and meditation, and it'd be fun to introduce her to Earth media. I'm just not sure we'd have a lot to talk about? On the other hand I'm super awkward in real life so maybe she'd see how awkward I'm feeling and give me space lolll.

Foggy would definitely break first. He's sweet and good with people. He'd get restless, want to have some fun. Be around people again. This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/251845.html. Please comment there using OpenID.