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(no subject)

I've fallen back into the Dresden Files fandom and can't get up.

It's an old fandom for me - I only read the first...what, five books? There are 17 now. To be fair, when I read the first five, there were at least twice that already out. Usually I'll get the random urge to read a fic or two, and then forget the fandom exists for years at a time, rinse and repeat. But two weeks ago I read a fic on a whim, and then another, and another...and then I was scrolling through the very old kink meme, and rereading favorites I'd bookmarked back in 2011. I'm listening to music and daydreaming about my ship, and there is absolutely nobody to chat with lmao.

I'm tempted to start the book series over, but I'm not sure I want to. Perhaps I will once I run out of fic - the fandom is VERY small - out of desperation. This was supposed to be a short visit, I wasn't supposed to settle here sa;kja


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June Something - Day 03 & 04 & 05

Day 3: What's a favorite, or at least memorable fandom meeting/interaction that you've had?
Squee weekend, every year. I'm pretty quiet in real life - shy and self-conscious and always worried I'm going to make a fool of myself. But meeting everyone there felt like finding home, and I cry every time it's time to go. Supportive, creative, hilarious, generous - these are my people, and I love them. Just the other day I was remembering that time someone set off the sprinklers in the hotel we were staying at and how we had to evacuate in the early hours of the morning.

I don't like meeting famous people. I've discovered that I prefer to go unnoticed, and even the mildest acknowledgement from someone I look up to is incredibly embarrassing. Shane & Ryan from Unsolved started their own company called Watcher, and I'm a member of their patreon. They read off the usernames of their patreon members at the end of their one show, and every time I'm even told they said my username I'm like, "Oh god, please no."
 
Day 4: What are the origins of your penname/username?
I was reading Stephen King's The Dark Tower series back in high school. The main character, Roland, is from a different universe, and he ends up traveling to ours. When trying to order a sandwich, he asked for a 'popkin', and I loved the word so much I made it my online username. Popkin is taken on a lot of websites, however, so I had to add some numbers.
 
Day 5: Compare and/or contrast your very first fandom obsession and your very latest fandom obsession.
My very first fandom was Harry Potter. This is, of course, an absolutely ginormous fandom with fic for probably every pairing one could think of. Back then fandom was very much a secret thing, and it's very much not now.

My current one is Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher Entertainment RPF, which is much smaller. Also Shane and Ryan know about the fanfiction written about them, and despite what people may think, have not come out one way or another in regards to it.

I also feel like fandom has become much more judgemental these days in regards to kinks and dark themes, but it's also possible that I missed all the drama back in the early 2000s. SGA was the first fandom I started reading kinky fic in, and by the time I joined the show was finished and a chunk of the fandom had moved on. Tumblr is much more multi-fandom and gives more visibility to posts of all kinds.

And now my brain has decided it's done thinking and I'm just staring at my screen, so I'm gonna post this.


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(no subject)

Now that I have a day off with nothing planned, I can finally post.

Merry (belated) Christmas to everyone! Thank you for the holiday cards, I really appreciate them. They lifted my spirits after dragging myself home from work every day. I have them up on my bookshelf, and no I will not be taking them down any time soon.

The SGA Secret Santa 2020 is complete! Check out the fics here :) I want to thank everyone who participated, offered help, or listened to me when I talked about it lol. This crappy year has really encouraged me to reflect on what brings me joy and peace of mind, and it is in big part the McShep fandom. I've mostly been lurking this year, and I apologize for that, but know that I'm here and I love you all.

I've also been dealing with my BFU hyperfixation. I've been watching the videos in the Shyan Moments playlist and hanging out in the shipping server. It's fun and pressure free. Everyone's enthusiastic and encouraging and super friendly <3

I had a good Christmas. I received only gift cards but that's what I wanted, because when I try to explain what I want I mostly get confused looks. It's easier to just buy for myself lol. Also then nobody will judge me for my book purchases s;jfa;

I've been taking the Ashwagandha supplements based on my co-workers recommendation, and they've been working for me. I haven't had a really bad mental health day since I started taking them. I admit I was getting worried about myself - not because of self-harm thoughts or anything, but because I've never had days like that, where my head felt stuffed full of cotton and my body felt heavy. My brain is still not great, but at least I haven't had a day like that.

I'm really hoping 2021 turns out better. My New Year's resolution is going to be the same as it was the past year: to be kinder to myself. That can mean many things; not to beat myself up over stupid things, or pressure myself. To find joy where I can. I'm working on the negative self-talk too. We'll see how it goes~
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(no subject)

Work continues to be fucking awful. It actually picked up for a little bit there in terms of pleasantness, but now we're doing this "online only" Black Friday event thing every Saturday through Tuesday. They took half my team (all the guys, basically) and stuck me with mostly new people. The newbies are working their butts off and I appreciate them, but it's not the same as having experienced people. So while they're out chilling in lawn and garden, we're overwhelmed and incredibly stressed. AND we're forced to field all the calls about the event. It's been a very, very bad week.

This isn't helped by my ongoing mental health issues. I've never struggled like this before, and I'm having more and more "bad" days where I'm keeping myself from screaming by the skin of my teeth. I haven't been doing much - I mostly just screw around online until it's time for bed. I hang out on a shipping server for BFU and it's bringing me so much joy right now, but some days even that feels like Too Much. My coworker said she takes ashwagandha supplements for anxiety and stress, and it helps. I'm thinking of trying it, but gotta do research first.

In better news, I have a set schedule! I have every Monday and Thursday off, and I LOVE IT. It means I never have to work more than 3 days in a row, which is a blessing given the stress of life.

I've been playing Phasmophobia with a co-worker. You play as ghost hunters, going into haunted locations and trying to gather evidence to figure out what kind of spirit you're dealing with. I don't find it particularly scary, but my co-worker does, so it's fun to laugh at her when she gets scared. I feel like it'd be the PERFECT game for Shane & Ryan from BFU to play, but I don't know much about copyright laws and stuff that might prevent them. How do gamers get away with playing games, actually? Since they do make money off it via ads and such.

I wrote a 36k fic for BFU, which I'm both proud of and hate intensely. I wasn't going to share it - it was supposed to be for just me, to ease me back into writing - but the shipping server was like DO IT. SHARE IT. And I am weak for validation. I've been thinking about John & Rodney a lot, and how much I love them. Since I've been so low energy lately, I've thought about rewatching some eps.

Would it be wrong of me to take a COVID leave from work just so I could try to get some fic reading done? js;kfaj; Don't answer that.

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(no subject)

Work has become unbearable.

We're busier than ever. My manager has started micromanage us and it's fucking everything up. We had a rhythm going. We were the best in our market and were even winning market-wide challenges without even trying. But now everyone is stressed and morale is so fucking low. My vacation is coming up, but not fast enough. I'm dreading going into work every day and it never used to be like this. I'm more exhausted and emotionally wiped out than I have been during this entire pandemic. Hello, anxiety~

The only potentially good thing that's happened lately is they've announced they're restructuring management which means the assistant manager who's doing this might be shuffled to a different department/store. But it also means we might lose our department managers, who are honestly the only saving grace (management-wise) of the department lol. Of course, there are worse assistant managers than our current one, so even her leaving might lead to worse things.

I don't really anticipate the sweeping changes everyone is talking about. I honestly think most people are going to stay where they are. I can't decide if I'm pleased or not about that. This entry was originally posted at https://popkin16.dreamwidth.org/254490.html. Please comment there using OpenID.